Well, today was huge mentally and emotionally for both of us. Being the mum and the adult in the situation, I need to carry the load, and make decisions, big decisions, and unfortunately, most of the time I make them on my own.
Kyah seems to have a dream, but I often wonder how much she believes this dream will become a reality. So many times she seems to sabotage herself so she doesn’t succeed. It is so difficult to distinguish between genuine fear of re-injury, or fear of failure ….therefore she doesn’t try.
If only we knew what was going on inside other people’s minds. Scary thought, hey? But on the other hand, it would be really good to know, so we could help them.
It is such a tough road being a high level athlete, (dancers are athletes). You really need to be self motivated, believe in yourself, driven, always optimistic, have that “never give up” attitude. Then, when you are facing recovering from an injury, you have additional questions going on in your mind: Will it ever happen again? Can I ever fully recover? Why me?
Your highs are high and your lows are low. There are huge expectations on you, whether you want there to be or not. You yourself place expectations on yourself, others place expectations on you. You don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially yourself. Sometimes, it is easier to walk away and wonder “what if”, rather than continue striving to achieve and “failing” in your own eyes….
As far as I’m concerned, if you can say you have given it all you have, mentally, emotionally, physically, and just just have nothing more to give, then you haven’t failed – you have tried and that is good enough for me.
We, Kyah and I, have a lot to talk about in the next few days….